I don’t want to brag.  Really I don’t. For instance I hardly mentioned, years ago,  how, drunk and ill prepared, I bested a bunch of Spaniards on the beach in Valencia, in a game of 3am pick up soccer.  I just felt that national relations are more important that one man’s exploits.  Sure, my time playing for CSAA’s soccer team in San Francisco were well documented here (Start from the bottom), but  if you are able to isolate from those dispatches the truth of my underlying class and skill through all those self deprecating remarks, you’re an oracle. 

 

No, bragging just isn’t my style.  So I think I will make only short mention of my latest appearance on the Pitch, this time here in Santiago.      Just a short blurb, a dry one at that, free of hyperbole.  Like, for instance: “Played small role on victorious side by leading team in scoring and assists”.     Or maybe I’ll skip all of that. Yeah, I’ll just skip the personal accolades (as I am wont to do) and instead say that afterwards I drank beer out of 40oz bottles with the rest of MY team, in a  lean-to shack like a Maori tribesman getting ready to beat his wife. And it was good.

 

Now, I just have to keep hold of this buzz until I make it back to the states tommorrow.

 

 

Incidently, to those who blanched at the maori reference.  First, it's a reference to the movie Once Were Warriors.   Second, I am surprised to find out that Indian Insults represent the height of put-down humor here in Chile.  If at any point someone in your party stutters,  mumbles, or otherwise has difficulty with the language (his own or your own), others respond by acting like an American Indian, and the whole group rises up in laugheter.  

 

Strange.

 

I prefer lurching around with finger-horns repeating 'Ta-tonka!' but basically, anything that you would do at a braves games will work, which , now that I think about, makes me a bit sympathetic to the whole anti-braves, anti-redskins, PC cause.

 

Strange Indeed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, it’s true; your humble field reporter was seen ‘hobnobbing’ with ‘the big boys’ at Absinthe last night.  It seems that our secret plans of Bruce, James, Greg and I are going to be discovered sooner or later, so we have decided to come clean.

 

We are planning the first annual CSAA Core Value Decathlon!  The events, which will take place over a month long period, will be scored.  Prizes will be given away, much fun will be had.

 

Here are some of the event suggestions we discussed last night. 

 

Collaboration

Trivia Night: Divide into teams at local Pub. Fish and Chips are optional.

 

Bowling.  Could have teams and individual scoring

 

Adaptability

8 Ball Tournament: Need to find Pub with multiple tables, and a dartboard.

 

Darts: Hopefully can be played during Pool Tournament

 

Arcade (Cumulative results of Pinball, asteroids*, and Skeeball)

*Actual, game may vary, suggestions welcome.

 

Other suggestions include, Board Games, PingPong, Put-Put, and Croquet!?

 

 

Accountability

 

CSAA Idol  (Talent Contest).   Everyone who enters will get points.  Preliminary rounds held in 5^th floor elevator bank. Finals during all-hands meeting. Winner gets tons of points.  

 

Members First!?

 

No Limit, Grand Finale Poker game. Your starting chip-stack size is determined by the amount of points you received in the previous events.

 

 

 

Feel free to post your comments here. We are still in the planning stages and can use your suggestions.

 

Before I start I would like to offer an explanation as to why there was no ‘report’ last week. Despite what you may have heard It had nothing to do with the “Chip DeFalco DeFalco incident”: Let me just say that If Peter wants to bring his kid to the game, fine with me, but if Chip de Peter De Falco happens to not land in precisely the same time zone from where he jumped, don’t blame the Liability, blame the parents I also have to deny rumors that my silence is a form a protest over the lack of team spirit some Epiphanators showed last week- walking off the pitch in the middle of the do-or-die sudden-death golden-goal 23rd overtime. No need to name names, since the offending software swami was consequently fired. The true reason I haven’t written in two weeks is that there just wasn’t much to write about. That has all changed. Last night the Star-Lite Express didn’t just roll over one more band of Bush league bandicoots, we rolled over TWO bands of square-toed futbalistas.

Anyhow, here is how it went down.

The field was crowded that night: three other teams showed up, not to mention the swirling winds and encroaching clouds. There were seven of us and nearly forty of them. We liked those odds. Our first targets were stretching on the sidelines like Spanish Ballerinas, and just like Monet they looked good from far, but were far from good. Sure, they jumped to two-nil lead, but we brought our own Nutcrackers the Suite, blasting two unanswered goals. Oh, I guess they had an answer: it’s just that it was “we quit”. Their coach was whistling like Zamfir at a flute convention. He figured that they had a chance but it had a big “NO” in front of it. So rather then face the Tchaikovsky, they split.

We had worked up a sweat and were ready for another serving. I’d prefer and old-fashioned with Rye, but another bunch of marks would have to do. The picked some poor sap to guard their net, so we put Mad-Vlad The Macedonian in ours. David Caravantes and his sidekick Marco took turns deflecting the opposition’s feeble attacks: They were the Class of the field and school was in session. Vlad came out of goal long enough to run down the field, step on a few of their players, drive a half volley through their goal and do the cha-cha over their tattered remains. Somehow though the game stayed close and entered the “Next Goal Wins” phase. We played two-dozen “last points” last week, so our opponents knew it was all over but the crying. I’d say you could put this one in the refrigerator, but Deepak is so cool in midfield we didn’t bring one. We scored first. Its what we do. We had beaten two of the three teams and the third was avoiding our eyes like I avoid my Bookie on Mondays. So we split a few more points and called it a night. Hey, it was fun, but the only triple header I need starts with tequila and ends with a nap.
See you next week, sports fans.

Yesterday your Epiphinators were unable resume their reign of conquest* due to Field availability issues (Our side of the field was taken by a band of permit wielding miscreants). Last weeks bunch of Bush League pushovers took the other half and could barely hide their joy, knowing that they wouldn’t have to face us. Frankly, it was impressive enough that they had somehow managed to stitch together a team from the shredded tatters we left in our fiery wake last week.

Instead we staged an Exhibition Scrimmage on an unused portion of the field. One Side, the CRM Enhancedments, consisted of The Liability, Swaroop ‘the Silk Hammer’ Sen, Vlad “The Romanian Rocket ” Kaminsky, and Sugar Shoes Shuitt. The other side, CRM_lite ™ Brigade consisted of Darrin “Football Head” Sabey, Peter Defalco, Michael Luoung, and some ringer they picked up along the way. The “D” squad was invincible. Michael Luong is a small field genius whose precision shots eluded burrowing defensive headers. Defalco’s midfield presence forced The Liability to deploy his Flailing Arms of Fury tactic to little avail. It was a lopsided affair, but the Side-A never gave up (Did America Give up when the Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor? Of Course not! ).

My only hope is that such an inspiring exhibition didn’t scare away the true opposition, who watched in growing trepidation out of the corner of their eyes.

*The name of the dictator of the former Zaire (contained, barely, in the subject line of this email) translates, roughly, to "the all-powerful rooster who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, will go from conquest to conquest leaving fire in his wake". At least, According to Jonah Goldberg at NRO.

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