The Epipinators, our CRM Soccer Team, was supremely victorious yesterday, especially if you discount most classical definitions of the words “Victory” and “Supreme”. The opposition, a shiftless band of youthful barbarians, was repelled at every front.
First, the Star Community Players laid a cunning trap by letting the opposing Vandals score four “uncontested” goals. The obviousness of such a ploy went unnoticed by the opposition until John ”Sugar Shoes” Shuitt blew our guise of seriousness when he was penalized for having intimate relations with a park bench. All for the better, since our goalie and hardest working man in Soccer, Vlad “the hip Czech” Kaminsky, was having a hard time reconciling our “bend and then break” strategy with his daisy cutter brand of Goal Keeping. Or façade of incompetence soon dissolved as Sugar Shoes made an unbelievable through pass to the “The Liability” , who “broke the seal” for Fighting Fray of Triple-A. Living up to his namesake, The Liability promptly moved to a defensive position and single-handedly allowed two goals to the Ill-kept intruders who now desperately held to tenuous 6 to 1 lead. At that point we got serious and decided to let loose the Soccer Styling of Swaroop “the Silk Hammer” Sen who sliced through the opposing team with aplomb, leading a beautiful counter attack that was unexplainably stymied just before midfield. At this point half of the team pretended to cramp up as an excuse to strategize on the sideline. Unfortunately, just as were we preparing to spring our trap on the unsuspecting Vermin, they quickly forfeited the game, citing “Darkness” and “ a Lack of Qualified Opposition”. We will, undoubtedly, triumph next week!

Baghdad Bob