Yesterday your Epiphinators were unable resume their reign of conquest* due to Field availability issues (Our side of the field was taken by a band of permit wielding miscreants). Last weeks bunch of Bush League pushovers took the other half and could barely hide their joy, knowing that they wouldn’t have to face us. Frankly, it was impressive enough that they had somehow managed to stitch together a team from the shredded tatters we left in our fiery wake last week.

Instead we staged an Exhibition Scrimmage on an unused portion of the field. One Side, the CRM Enhancedments, consisted of The Liability, Swaroop ‘the Silk Hammer’ Sen, Vlad “The Romanian Rocket ” Kaminsky, and Sugar Shoes Shuitt. The other side, CRM_lite ™ Brigade consisted of Darrin “Football Head” Sabey, Peter Defalco, Michael Luoung, and some ringer they picked up along the way. The “D” squad was invincible. Michael Luong is a small field genius whose precision shots eluded burrowing defensive headers. Defalco’s midfield presence forced The Liability to deploy his Flailing Arms of Fury tactic to little avail. It was a lopsided affair, but the Side-A never gave up (Did America Give up when the Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor? Of Course not! ).

My only hope is that such an inspiring exhibition didn’t scare away the true opposition, who watched in growing trepidation out of the corner of their eyes.

*The name of the dictator of the former Zaire (contained, barely, in the subject line of this email) translates, roughly, to "the all-powerful rooster who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, will go from conquest to conquest leaving fire in his wake". At least, According to Jonah Goldberg at NRO.