This week instead of the normal “Report from the Pitch” I am supposed to relay a memo I received from CSAA’s Vision and Values Authority. Tune in next week.
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It remains the Policy of CSAA to encourage extracurricular activities, however, in recent weeks there have been disturbing reports that need to be addressed. Certain individuals have begun playing a weekly soccer game that resembles more of a drunken shoving match than any form of Constructive past time.

Please keep these guidelines in mind:

1. Play cooperatively, not competitively. There is only ONE CSAA, and it leads the way. Pitting employees against each other reinforces negative concepts like “winners” and “suck-ass pimps”. We are all winners at CSAA, even if you happen to miss a wide open shot from 3 feet out, Vlad.

2. Refer to each other in a positive manner. Avoid xenophobic nicknames like Vlad “The Berlin Wall” Kaminski and Swaroop “The Swami” Sen. When in doubt consider the following example:

Sean: Hey Peter is your last Name Italian?
Peter: Why yes, it is.
Sean: I too take pride in my Italian-American Heritage.

AVOID the Following

Sean: Hey Peter where are you from?
Peter: Well Sean my last name is Italian.
Sean: You Suck, for an Italian.

If these simple guidelines prove to difficult please consider alternative, cooperative, ways to satisfactorily fill your evening. Try, for instance, Yoga. or Salsa dancing.