Walking home from the Cellar last night, I thought about how every city drives a bit different. Here is what I came up with.
City: Jacksonville.
Motto: We’re not very good drivers. But we make up for it by going Slow.
What the Horn Means: Slow down, you crazy kids.
Description: The most unskilled drivers in the country. Merge lanes are totally wasted on these people, who will always stop. The shoulders are littered with cars that were simply too embarrassed to continue.
City: San Francisco
Motto: I should have taken that last parking space
What the Horn Means: Hey, That’s my space.
Description: The cabbies delight it making you sick: Either by weaving, or by coming to a screeching halt at each light. There is no car culture here, so people generally drive as if they can’t be bothered.
City: Atlanta.
Motto: We’re not Paying attention, but we we’re going too fast for it to make much of a difference.
What the Horn Means: Sorry for almost killing everybody. It’s usually sounded 100 yards past the incident. Often this results in another collision, since the person, who is driving around 80mph, is the phone and had therefore ran out of driving hands when the decided to honk, much less give that little sheepish, "my bad" gesture.
Description: The most dangerous drivers in the county. Cars are too big and going too fast. Drivers are on the cell phone. They always get halfway through their lane-change before checking to see if any cars are already there.
City: Los Angeles.
Motto: We’re really really good looking
What the Horn Means: Nothing. Nothing means anything here.
Description: Good, decisive drivers. They don’t take a whole lot of chances on the freeway, which are always busy. Its will be bumper –to bumper at 2 in the morning, and everyone is going 60mph.
City: Chicago
Motto: We drive angry, and we don’t know why.
What the Horn Means: That’s for doing nothing. Just wait till you do something…
Description: They honk way too much. Any interruption in the flow results in a honk. If someone is crossing the street two blocks away, they put out a warning honk. If the car in front of them is more than a cars length behind the one in front if It, they honk.
City: Manhattan
Motto: We’re the best, and we’ll prove it.
What the Horn Means: Everything. Drives use their horn like Emeril uses Garlic.
Description: Skilled, precise drivers. Very European. The car is an extension of them. An extension that they don’t mind dinging up a bit. They have a honk to say “Go”, “Stop”, “Don’t change a thing”, and “I need another quarter inch before I blow by you ”. If they could only calm down a bit.
